Absolutely Mental.
I have ten minutes to write. I enjoy the process of writing, and with less personal time in my days than ever, it feels challenging to make this happen. I will allow myself five minutes to edit and refine my work. That totals fifteen minutes to express whatever comes to mind. The goal is for this to be more of a stream of consciousness than a fully composed or structured piece.
How many breathing techniques do you know? Are there certain phrases or mantras you return to routinely? Where is it you imagine a place of peace? There are countless tools, strategies, or techniques that people have discovered to help cope with a variety of mental health challenges or mental disabilities. As I've tiptoed or been in the centre of a few struggles, I've employed a handful of these techniques. There are times when my brain feels hot, and I want to run or yell. Other times, it feels like the skin around my body has micro vibrations, and the sensation of nails on a chalkboard permeates my entire being because something simply was not done properly or failed to go as I had initially planned. Often, I wake up with a tight chest or find times throughout the day where my breath is seeping from my collar bones, and I need to exert significant focus to bring down that breath and feel secure again. I'm unsure how else to frame these things as mental struggles. I don't feel cool talking about this topic and honestly feel embarrassed.
The reality of not living up to expectations or being peculiar is uncomfortable. There hasn't been a time when I feel like I'm a good fit in a place. The closest to that feeling of fitting in I've had is with a group of guys I used to play Super Smash Bros with or the guys I played dnd with in Bonnyville. It's not often that I feel like I can let my guard down, be relaxed with who I am and not worry about meeting the expectations of others. I want to conclude by saying I'm not officially diagnosed with anything and really have no idea what I'm talking about apart from my personal experience. Even then, how much can one trust experience and self-reflection?
