The Road North.
“After an emotional second uprooting from Bonnyville, I set out in a Uhaul with our possessions, vehicle in-tow, and Aspen as my mute navigator, gazing longingly back toward home. ”
I want to preface this post by acknowledging its personal nature. There is potential that it will continue rolling back to the curtain that is my virtual persona. Part of departing from social media is stepping away from posturing and facades that we construct to be socially accepted. Thanks for reading!
It feels suitable that the images I'm sharing this first full week of leaving social media are from the 24-hour drive to Whitehorse that also signified a new chapter. After an emotional second uprooting from Bonnyville, I set out in a Uhaul with our possessions, vehicle in-tow, and Aspen as my mute navigator, gazing longingly back toward home. Throughout the journey to reunite with Celine, I had extensive lengths of droning road to reflect on why this transition had such an impact on me. In hand with my internal deliberation, I attempted to shift into projections of what the future may hold. The anxiety I felt before moving was abundant but no longer useful to me. After a few hours of podcasts, I stopped procrastinating and deployed a cerebral method of settling my overwhelming, existential anxiety.
Before I continue, I want to share a few photos from the day I departed and the sound that played frequently on the drive.
Quite simply, all I do is imagine various worst-case scenarios. This may sound counterintuitive and I acknowledge it may not work for others, or worse, magnify nerves for many people. The differentiation I make is that we must enter completely into this imaginative practice, beyond the scenario and into coping and shifting toward processing specific possibilities of struggles or trauma.
When I was younger and experiencing anxiety, I found myself trying to think of every ideal scenario, which some may call romanticizing. Inevitably, I was often disappointed by any outcome that fell short of my narrow comprehension of perfect. My unusual internal, reverse psychology strategy eventually transformed into reflecting on the outcomes I feared happening most, which were the culprits of the anxiety in the first place. This step allowed me to lay a foundation that was welcoming to processing pain or disappointment. It also provided sufficient cathartic relief at the moment.
A few disheartening scenarios of moving to an unknown place away from family, friends, a career, and familiarity could be things like long-term unemployment, economic or relational failures, severe medical complications, falling into destructive addictions to cope, eventual homelessness, or maybe dying before I even arrived. Reading these you might think I'm paranoid, however, by stepping into the possible struggle we can better move through pain when it occurs. I'm a generally melancholic person, which makes dwelling on pain quite easy but by occasionally doing so, I can equally begin to comprehend the pain others around the world are feeling. Acquiring empathy is important and this cognitive process of moving through anxiety is one non-interactive or physical way of discovering a connection to all people during a time when emotional and physical connections are in decline or temporarily forbidden.
I want to acknowledge the fortune I experience in life and I try to contribute as much as I can to relieve others' suffering. I hope to do so with the skills I have, which is why I want to learn more about how you all would like to join in this objective that I believe we can all participate in. The survey below has a few quick questions that I hope helps me to understand your perception of my work a bit better. Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy the photos at the bottom!
