Another Day.
29/09/2025
I have ten minutes to write. I enjoy the process of writing, and with less personal time in my days than ever, it feels like a challenge to make this happen. I will give myself 5 minutes after to edit and refine. That's a total of 15 minutes to say whatever I can think of. The goal is for this to be more of a stream of consciousness than anything super composed or structured. Now that I have all the prefacing out of the way, I should get to some substance, which I'm unsure I have much available to share at this current stage of life.
I've been a dad now for nearly six months. This is a title I've wanted for a long time, and now that I've finally obtained it, I'm really struggling. I've worked with kids for over a decade and feel really lost during this baby stage. I'm tired, but probably not nearly as tired as my wife, and I'm at a mental health low point after a summer filled with the work of bible camp. There is this conflict I feel of realizing these are good times in life, but being unable to feel joy in the moment. My mind is dark, wanting to hide, cry, or be alone. I'm unsure how to reconcile these emotions with the good things happening around me. The challenge of simply being present and supporting our growing baby feels like a foreign summit, where the scree is slipping underfoot with each attempt of ascent.
Conceptualizing life into seasons has been helpful to hold onto hope; however, that's about all those ideas have afforded me. Arguably, that might be all I need for the moment. Hope that things will change, that my mental state is temporary and that I can change it. What I do need is grace and forgiveness from the people around me. Grace for being in a state that is not giving or supportive of the struggles they face. I want to do more, be more present, and engage in life with the people around me, but my mind and body rebel at the idea.
I hope to make this a daily practice, where I can write, resume sharing photos and figure out what role my photography and writing have, now that I'm responsible for caring for a new life. When I first saw our daughter, a grand restructuring of priorities occurred. It's left me still feeling a bit floaty or ungrounded. This summer was a trial of getting through one day at a time. And I did, and now I continue.
Photos are from last winter, an indicator of how far behind I am with my editing.
